A Night In

[singingdrummer]

 It all started with Ben tugging Meredith onto his lap, lips pressed against hers in a heated kiss. His hands roamed on her figure while his desire for her grew. He had wanted her ever since their first encounter at the bar but Ben never imagined something would actually become of it.

"I want you to know you're not some groupie to me, Meredith. I really want this with you."

Comments

[highfidelity]

"Maybe. If the material is right." She was just scared about it, like many other things in her life. That was one of the things that attracted her to him. He was confident to the point of arrogant, seemingly fearless. He didn't care about anything and she cared too much. "I just don't want to embarrass myself, you know?"

[singingdrummer]

"I'll be there to support you. Look at me, if you get nervous."

Ben reached for the guitar again, strumming a few notes. He felt a new idea coming to him, inspired by everything that had happened.

[highfidelity]

"I look at you and I get distracted," Meredith quipped. But once he started playing she leaned back and listened, curious what he was thinking. He was actually very good with that; she hadn't expected he could play multiple instruments.

[singingdrummer]

He continued playing, smiling to himself at her comment. He'd get distracted by looking at her, too. The song came out almost by itself, leading Ben instead of the other way around.

[highfidelity]

She just relaxed and listened to him. Putting a hand on his shoulder to encourage him. He really was talented, and she was glad he'd gotten rid of all of that facade and all the baggage to truly focus on himself and his talents. The same thing she'd told him the night they met.

[singingdrummer]

The touch on his shoulder did work as an encouragement. He played a little longer, glancing at Meredith with that old look of love in his eyes.

"I took your advice, Meredith. I let go of the persona.. It's all me now."

[highfidelity]

“I’m glad to hear that. You never had to pretend with me, Ben. I saw right through it. I love you and not that act.”

[singingdrummer]

"You if anyone could see through it. I don't know why I didn't just drop it completely the moment we got together.. It took a horrible mistake to realize that all I need is you. I don't need some rock star persona."

[highfidelity]

"You never did." Meredith said honestly, shifting to face him a little more. "You were never more attractive or sexier to me than when you were just yourself. What made me go out with you was that you made me laugh, and you looked at me like I was the only woman in that whole bar."

She smiled encouragingly. "It made me feel like the sexiest woman alive when you wanted to be with me."

[singingdrummer]

"Because to me you've always been the only woman."

Ben set the guitar down, shifting to face her. He took her hands between his and just held them for a moment.

"You walked into a room and I'd forget about the world around me. All I saw is you."

[highfidelity]

"You know it's hard to be angry at you when you're so sweet," Meredith admitted, just distracted by him yet again.

[singingdrummer]

"I shouldn't have made you angry in the first place. That's something I'll regret for the rest of my life."

He kissed her hands softly, smiling at her.

[highfidelity]

"The only thing we can do now is pick up the pieces and move on," she said honestly. "As much as I wish things had happened differently...there's no way to change the past."

They'd both have to live with the effects of that night but hopefully they could both move on and go on to better things. She glanced at him for a moment.

"It's getting late. Are you sure you're going to be comfortable out here?"

[singingdrummer]

"You're right, Meredith. All we can do is move on and be better from now on."

The past couldn't be changed, so it's best to focus on the future. Ben wished it could be with her.

"Well.. A bed is always the ideal option. But it's up to you."

[highfidelity]

"You can take the bed. I can take the couch," she said with a soft sigh. She felt sorry for him, in a sense. Not to pity him but she just wished that things had turned out better for him. "Just wake me in the morning, I have to get to work and the only alarm's in there."

[singingdrummer]

"No.. It's your bed, Meredith. I'm not going to chase you out of your own bed. You're a working woman, too."

He could take the couch, if it meant that she gets to sleep well. For a moment he thought she'd meant that they could both sleep in the bed together.

[highfidelity]

"I don't think we'll both fit in the bed unless...it'd be close."

She glanced at him nervously. It was a queen-sized bed and they'd probably have to stay close to one another to avoid either of them getting too close to the edge. It was a kind of intimacy they hadn't shared in a long time.

[singingdrummer]

"I want to be with you.. But I don't want to push you into being physically close, Meredith. Not after what I did to you.. It's completely up to you."

[highfidelity]

She sighed. Reaching for his hand again, as if to try and reassure him because she knew what she said next would hurt. "I don't want you to feel you can't be around me," she said honestly. "It's just...the sexual part I have a problem with. I don't feel desirable anymore. I just don't...want to be hurt like that again."

[singingdrummer]

"I know it's probably hard to believe but if I had a second chance, I'd cherish you in so many ways."

Ben gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Hearing her say that made him realize even more how stupid he had been. That party was the worst idea he could ever have.

"I just hope it's not too late.. Because I love you, Meredith. I want to be with you more than anything."

[highfidelity]

"I love you too. I just...have to learn not to associate what we had with what you did. Right now, those two things are too linked in my head. I can't think about us being together without thinking about after...being afraid the next time I wake up you won't be there."

She exhaled. It was hard to put into words how her mind was working, the self-doubt and nervousness. If it hadn't been her first, or if he'd screwed up on any other night, it'd probably be easier to put behind her. But there was a lot of emotion in that.

"Come on. It really is late. I need a shower and to get to bed. Are you coming?"

[singingdrummer]

"I understand. It takes time.. What I did couldn't have been timed any worse. We shared a special night together and then I ruined everything.."

He nodded and stood up, heading into the bedroom. Ben climbed into bed and laid there waiting for her, staring at the ceiling in deep thought.

[highfidelity]

Meredith showered and changed for bed before she joined him, chuckling softly at how he'd just wound up on her side of the bed. Not that she was complaining. She slipped onto the other side of the bed and tugged the blankets up.

"I don't want this to be awkward between us," she said. "I just don't know how to make it not awkward."

[singingdrummer]

He shifted to get more comfortable, facing her. It was better than his bed at the hideout.

"Let's sleep. That'll be a start."

A small grin flashed on his face as a way to lighten the mood.

[highfidelity]

"Unless you snore. I never did find that out."

She teased with a small smile of her own. She allowed herself to move a little closer to him before she easily drifted off, just hoping he'd still be there when her alarm went off and this wasn't just some figment of her imagination or another chance for him to break her heart.